Lotus666
06-08-09, 10:00 PM
Another one done by Mr Rockjock in 2003...
Before we begin...everyone understands that certain need to enjoy a movie surrounded by others. You don't need to know who they are. When you laugh, it's drowned out by several others so you aren't self-conscious about your nasally chuckle. When something startles you, a hundred others jump at the same time so you don't feel so jumpy. And when your cell phone goes off, you know that no one will administer a beating. Talking on your cell phone during a film is your constitutional right. (Must be an American thing.)
Willard Stiles (Crispin Glover) is a big nobody with a bad job and a crippled demanding mother. He receives no joy from life. Even his home is a cage, with bars on every window. Oh no? Those hardwood floors looked damned sweet. Some of us have to live above day cares, Willard.
His boss, Mr. Martin (R. Lee Ermey) is meant to act as a constant humiliation. While he looks like a basic yuppie indolent, Martin is played by the same guy who was the insane drill sergeant in Full Metal Jacket. I was begging that he would, instead of firing him, threaten to pop out one of Willard's eyes and skull-**** him right in front of his co-workers.
Willard tries to eliminate the pesty rats in his basement, but decides to take pity on one rat with a glue strip stucks to his balls. Willard cleans him up and names him Socrates. He sleeps with the rat and carries him around in his pocket. Kinda makes a young Michael Jackson singing to his dead rat seem desirable, doesn't it?
A bit of history: Bruce Davison, who played Willard in the original 1971 version, was pictured as Willard's father. He's the guy who plays Senator Kelly in X-Men. (By the way, dibs on X2; leave the reviews to the big boys, y'all.) I think this was lost on the Special Olympics review I had in my theatre. Example: on his cell phone, a mental giant exclaimed that "yo, he was trying to watch this movie about rats." So are we, ass-biter. Try to keep your entertainment venues to one at a time, please. You're in way over your head.
Willard eventually discovers the other rats will obey all his commands. He sends them to eat his boss's tires. They go to the basement when the time requires, like when Catherine (Laura Elena Harring) stops by to visit. Gosh, a real live girl! The rats also have a tendency to poutr into rooms all at once, almost fluidic. This prompts certain people to think, "Oh my God, that is so weird!" Others have to blare it at the top of their lungs into the back of your head.
Willard is not scary. I'm sorry, but rats that will eat you? It should be scary. It fails here. There are no really gross eating scenes like you would want. Crispin Glover is good as insecure jerky Willard, but as hateful vengeance-wrecking Willard he falls short of rat poo. Given a few more minutes on this film and more rat scenes, it may have been something.
I give it two "here kitty kitty"s out of five. And the great joy I will receive is when I let loose my own trained army of the night. After Mr. Cell Phone goes to "Mack-Donald's" and retires to his public housing unit for the night, he will hear a small scraping at his door. Then he will see a husky head....then another....then another....then another....
Before we begin...everyone understands that certain need to enjoy a movie surrounded by others. You don't need to know who they are. When you laugh, it's drowned out by several others so you aren't self-conscious about your nasally chuckle. When something startles you, a hundred others jump at the same time so you don't feel so jumpy. And when your cell phone goes off, you know that no one will administer a beating. Talking on your cell phone during a film is your constitutional right. (Must be an American thing.)
Willard Stiles (Crispin Glover) is a big nobody with a bad job and a crippled demanding mother. He receives no joy from life. Even his home is a cage, with bars on every window. Oh no? Those hardwood floors looked damned sweet. Some of us have to live above day cares, Willard.
His boss, Mr. Martin (R. Lee Ermey) is meant to act as a constant humiliation. While he looks like a basic yuppie indolent, Martin is played by the same guy who was the insane drill sergeant in Full Metal Jacket. I was begging that he would, instead of firing him, threaten to pop out one of Willard's eyes and skull-**** him right in front of his co-workers.
Willard tries to eliminate the pesty rats in his basement, but decides to take pity on one rat with a glue strip stucks to his balls. Willard cleans him up and names him Socrates. He sleeps with the rat and carries him around in his pocket. Kinda makes a young Michael Jackson singing to his dead rat seem desirable, doesn't it?
A bit of history: Bruce Davison, who played Willard in the original 1971 version, was pictured as Willard's father. He's the guy who plays Senator Kelly in X-Men. (By the way, dibs on X2; leave the reviews to the big boys, y'all.) I think this was lost on the Special Olympics review I had in my theatre. Example: on his cell phone, a mental giant exclaimed that "yo, he was trying to watch this movie about rats." So are we, ass-biter. Try to keep your entertainment venues to one at a time, please. You're in way over your head.
Willard eventually discovers the other rats will obey all his commands. He sends them to eat his boss's tires. They go to the basement when the time requires, like when Catherine (Laura Elena Harring) stops by to visit. Gosh, a real live girl! The rats also have a tendency to poutr into rooms all at once, almost fluidic. This prompts certain people to think, "Oh my God, that is so weird!" Others have to blare it at the top of their lungs into the back of your head.
Willard is not scary. I'm sorry, but rats that will eat you? It should be scary. It fails here. There are no really gross eating scenes like you would want. Crispin Glover is good as insecure jerky Willard, but as hateful vengeance-wrecking Willard he falls short of rat poo. Given a few more minutes on this film and more rat scenes, it may have been something.
I give it two "here kitty kitty"s out of five. And the great joy I will receive is when I let loose my own trained army of the night. After Mr. Cell Phone goes to "Mack-Donald's" and retires to his public housing unit for the night, he will hear a small scraping at his door. Then he will see a husky head....then another....then another....then another....