Lotus666
06-08-09, 09:54 PM
Rockjock writes again from 2004...
I'm surprised that anyone still goes to see these types of movies. You get these 1940s-type cinema adventrues that the Hollywood crowd cranks out every now and then, and people avoid them like Quebecois avoid deodourant. Anyone remember Dick Tracy or The Shadow? My point exactly. Actors must think they're paying homage to some bygone era of the Golden Age and Soviet spying, but all they're doing is making an excuse to make the film go all blurry so they can mask the pimples and crows' feet.
And what is with the opening sequence? If I wanted to see German subtitles, black and white effects, and have laughter and cheer I'd go see Schindler's List again. Reporter Polly Perkins (Gwyneth "No Woman Derserves a Normal Name" Paltrow) is investigating the disappearance of several prominent scientists. (Perhaps she should have been looking for Arliss Loveless.) Giant robots descend on Manhattan and start wreckin' up da joint. Eventually she's outed as possibly the worst photograpgher in the world, as she figures getting shots of the robots' crotches makes far more sense than fleeing to safety and taking pictures from far, far away.
Sky Captain (Jude Law) flies in to try to stop the robots, and is only spared when the tinheads flee the scene. (They also suck big time at Spades.) Eventualy Sky Captain makes his way to his home island, which almost makes you immediately think "Thunderbirds are GO!" And what is the deal with Sky being an army for hire? Who decided setting aside a whole island for a bunch of hired cronies who answer to no one was such a great idea? If you ask me, when the robots attack the island and capture fix-it man Dex (Giovanni Ribisi), they were the ones ridding the world of a true menace.
Angelina Jolie appears as Frank Cook for approximately 30 seconds and assists the captain track down the evil genius capturing the scientists and looting the world. Personally I think Angelina is given these semi-cameo appearances in movies because they have like six hours worth of her doing stuff but they narrow down the times where she isn't drunk or stoned or trying to hump the director's leg. The director for this movie was Kerry Conran, and apparently this is his first major project ever, because it's like he came out of nowhere. He's almost like The Wizard of Oz, this Totenkopf, which is kind of strange because that was the movie where Polly and one of the scientists meet. (Totenkopf is played by Lawrence Olivier, incidentally.)
The movie is a meandering twist of gaps and holes in both logic and plot. Exactly how does Sky Captain get to his secret island to New York to the Himalayas to wherever and never run out of fuel? Though the plot did at one point shine some light on the fact that he has no infinite fuel source, he somehow manages to land a plane on a platform with a dead engine. And what is with Gwyneth and her acting? This thing won an Oscar?? "Oh. My. It's. The. Robots." Pinocchio is less wooden when he's acting. And I get the feeling Frankie is wearing the eyepatch because she got L'il Sky Captain in the eye one time. That's what you get for choking up his throttle stick when there's turbulence.
Still, there was the very neat visuals. Some Linux geek really saved this thing's bacon on that aspect. But really, if you're going to have your hero crash his plane into the water and have the bad guys follow in kind, don't be surprised when he makes it undamaged and all the bad guys' planes blwo up on impact that at least ONE person in the audience scratches his head wondering how that happened.
I give this one two "earning your wings" out of five. If you're going to use Jolie and not even exploit her breasts, you totally missed the point of cinema. Nice try, Mr. First Time Director.
I'm surprised that anyone still goes to see these types of movies. You get these 1940s-type cinema adventrues that the Hollywood crowd cranks out every now and then, and people avoid them like Quebecois avoid deodourant. Anyone remember Dick Tracy or The Shadow? My point exactly. Actors must think they're paying homage to some bygone era of the Golden Age and Soviet spying, but all they're doing is making an excuse to make the film go all blurry so they can mask the pimples and crows' feet.
And what is with the opening sequence? If I wanted to see German subtitles, black and white effects, and have laughter and cheer I'd go see Schindler's List again. Reporter Polly Perkins (Gwyneth "No Woman Derserves a Normal Name" Paltrow) is investigating the disappearance of several prominent scientists. (Perhaps she should have been looking for Arliss Loveless.) Giant robots descend on Manhattan and start wreckin' up da joint. Eventually she's outed as possibly the worst photograpgher in the world, as she figures getting shots of the robots' crotches makes far more sense than fleeing to safety and taking pictures from far, far away.
Sky Captain (Jude Law) flies in to try to stop the robots, and is only spared when the tinheads flee the scene. (They also suck big time at Spades.) Eventualy Sky Captain makes his way to his home island, which almost makes you immediately think "Thunderbirds are GO!" And what is the deal with Sky being an army for hire? Who decided setting aside a whole island for a bunch of hired cronies who answer to no one was such a great idea? If you ask me, when the robots attack the island and capture fix-it man Dex (Giovanni Ribisi), they were the ones ridding the world of a true menace.
Angelina Jolie appears as Frank Cook for approximately 30 seconds and assists the captain track down the evil genius capturing the scientists and looting the world. Personally I think Angelina is given these semi-cameo appearances in movies because they have like six hours worth of her doing stuff but they narrow down the times where she isn't drunk or stoned or trying to hump the director's leg. The director for this movie was Kerry Conran, and apparently this is his first major project ever, because it's like he came out of nowhere. He's almost like The Wizard of Oz, this Totenkopf, which is kind of strange because that was the movie where Polly and one of the scientists meet. (Totenkopf is played by Lawrence Olivier, incidentally.)
The movie is a meandering twist of gaps and holes in both logic and plot. Exactly how does Sky Captain get to his secret island to New York to the Himalayas to wherever and never run out of fuel? Though the plot did at one point shine some light on the fact that he has no infinite fuel source, he somehow manages to land a plane on a platform with a dead engine. And what is with Gwyneth and her acting? This thing won an Oscar?? "Oh. My. It's. The. Robots." Pinocchio is less wooden when he's acting. And I get the feeling Frankie is wearing the eyepatch because she got L'il Sky Captain in the eye one time. That's what you get for choking up his throttle stick when there's turbulence.
Still, there was the very neat visuals. Some Linux geek really saved this thing's bacon on that aspect. But really, if you're going to have your hero crash his plane into the water and have the bad guys follow in kind, don't be surprised when he makes it undamaged and all the bad guys' planes blwo up on impact that at least ONE person in the audience scratches his head wondering how that happened.
I give this one two "earning your wings" out of five. If you're going to use Jolie and not even exploit her breasts, you totally missed the point of cinema. Nice try, Mr. First Time Director.