Lotus666
06-08-09, 09:23 PM
Another contribution from Rockjock in 2005...
Much of the controversy surrounding Keira Knightley can be summed up in two words--thimble tits. I came up with her cute nickname during my usual musings in mIRC, but it turned out she wants her breasts enhanced all along, so I'm not wrong.
You'll get to see her adequate boobies in this film twice, which swings back and forth between 12 Monkeys and Awakenings so much you feel like prescribing the whole movie a sedative. Jack Starks (Adrien Brody) isn't really developed as a character so much as thrust into scenarios. He wakes up from being shot during the first Gulf War, then is walking down a road for no apparent reason. These gaps that Starks has in his memory are symptomatic of "incoherent script disorder."
While walking down this unassuming country road he meets Jean (Kelly Lynch) and Jackie (Laura Marano). He fixes their car and they drive off, but it's very clear that Jean had been drinking. So why did Jack decide to let her drive off with her child? I guess he figured after that last kid shot him in the head in Iraq that he should keep his giant proboscis out of other peoples' affairs.
Jack gets picked up while hitchhiking and is suspected of murdering a police officer. Gaps in his memory prevent Jack from giving an adequate testimony at his trial, and he's found not guilty by reason of insanity. Right away the movie makes no sense. Did Jack have any fingerprints on the gun? Did they not find the owner of the vehicle who picked Jack up? Couldn't they determine how Jack himself was shot? I know public counsel is sometimes inadeqaute, but I just watched a movie and I seem to have a better grasp of the law.
Jack is confined to a mental ward and is doted over by Drs. Lorensen (Jennifer Jason Leigh) and Becker (Kris Kristofferson). Becker seems to have some pretty unconventional methods of rehabilitation--mainly doping them up and locking them in a morgue locker. This isn't your typical frat party trick. When Jack is subjected to it, he actually jumps into the future. Oh, that's right--it's Jackie Starks Got Committed.
Who he jumps forward to is Jackie (Keira "Thimble Tits" Knightley), and it's the year 2007. Now it makes you really think about the practicality of mentioning years by their actual number. They didn't say he just jumped 15 years into the future. Anyone who pulls this DVD out in 2008 is going to sit there: "This isn't about the future. 2007 is in the past." It's kinda like the un-reality associated with Transformers: The Movie. The movie starts out: "It is the year 2005..." But I don't see anyone wearing unitards or driving around on rocket-powered skateboards. Then again that movie came out in 1986, and this was before the Internet, so all the Transformers producers didn't anticipate a bunch of geeks talking about the movie twenty years later. Well here we are, and every guy 25-35 worth his salt knows everything that happened in that film.
Every time Jack gets thrown into the morgue locker, he vaunts to the future to talk to old Jackie. The movie switches to more of a murder mystery, but none of the actual suspense. The higher points are when Jack talks to the 2007 incarnate of Dr. Lorenson, and somehow manages to convince her that he is Jack Starks's nephew. Now, I have seen some relatives of people who look very similar, but not exactly alike. Did the doctor really have such a terrible memory?
The movie makes no attempt to connect the dots at any time. No explanation is given for what is so magical about this locker that it allows Jack to physically transport back in time. No explanation as to how Jack is able to die, nor why his memory is so disjointed. Brody's a good actor and all, but he can't possibly be any sort of glue to single-handedly hold this movie together. The moments between Brody and Knightley were somewhat touching, but the circumstances could have been easily smothed over with some sort of consistency.
I give this two "too many shots of Brody's eyes"s out of five.
Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go around repeating that "It is the year 2005..." line in the spooky voice and see if anyone has a reaction other than, "We know what ****ing year it is, jerk."
Much of the controversy surrounding Keira Knightley can be summed up in two words--thimble tits. I came up with her cute nickname during my usual musings in mIRC, but it turned out she wants her breasts enhanced all along, so I'm not wrong.
You'll get to see her adequate boobies in this film twice, which swings back and forth between 12 Monkeys and Awakenings so much you feel like prescribing the whole movie a sedative. Jack Starks (Adrien Brody) isn't really developed as a character so much as thrust into scenarios. He wakes up from being shot during the first Gulf War, then is walking down a road for no apparent reason. These gaps that Starks has in his memory are symptomatic of "incoherent script disorder."
While walking down this unassuming country road he meets Jean (Kelly Lynch) and Jackie (Laura Marano). He fixes their car and they drive off, but it's very clear that Jean had been drinking. So why did Jack decide to let her drive off with her child? I guess he figured after that last kid shot him in the head in Iraq that he should keep his giant proboscis out of other peoples' affairs.
Jack gets picked up while hitchhiking and is suspected of murdering a police officer. Gaps in his memory prevent Jack from giving an adequate testimony at his trial, and he's found not guilty by reason of insanity. Right away the movie makes no sense. Did Jack have any fingerprints on the gun? Did they not find the owner of the vehicle who picked Jack up? Couldn't they determine how Jack himself was shot? I know public counsel is sometimes inadeqaute, but I just watched a movie and I seem to have a better grasp of the law.
Jack is confined to a mental ward and is doted over by Drs. Lorensen (Jennifer Jason Leigh) and Becker (Kris Kristofferson). Becker seems to have some pretty unconventional methods of rehabilitation--mainly doping them up and locking them in a morgue locker. This isn't your typical frat party trick. When Jack is subjected to it, he actually jumps into the future. Oh, that's right--it's Jackie Starks Got Committed.
Who he jumps forward to is Jackie (Keira "Thimble Tits" Knightley), and it's the year 2007. Now it makes you really think about the practicality of mentioning years by their actual number. They didn't say he just jumped 15 years into the future. Anyone who pulls this DVD out in 2008 is going to sit there: "This isn't about the future. 2007 is in the past." It's kinda like the un-reality associated with Transformers: The Movie. The movie starts out: "It is the year 2005..." But I don't see anyone wearing unitards or driving around on rocket-powered skateboards. Then again that movie came out in 1986, and this was before the Internet, so all the Transformers producers didn't anticipate a bunch of geeks talking about the movie twenty years later. Well here we are, and every guy 25-35 worth his salt knows everything that happened in that film.
Every time Jack gets thrown into the morgue locker, he vaunts to the future to talk to old Jackie. The movie switches to more of a murder mystery, but none of the actual suspense. The higher points are when Jack talks to the 2007 incarnate of Dr. Lorenson, and somehow manages to convince her that he is Jack Starks's nephew. Now, I have seen some relatives of people who look very similar, but not exactly alike. Did the doctor really have such a terrible memory?
The movie makes no attempt to connect the dots at any time. No explanation is given for what is so magical about this locker that it allows Jack to physically transport back in time. No explanation as to how Jack is able to die, nor why his memory is so disjointed. Brody's a good actor and all, but he can't possibly be any sort of glue to single-handedly hold this movie together. The moments between Brody and Knightley were somewhat touching, but the circumstances could have been easily smothed over with some sort of consistency.
I give this two "too many shots of Brody's eyes"s out of five.
Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go around repeating that "It is the year 2005..." line in the spooky voice and see if anyone has a reaction other than, "We know what ****ing year it is, jerk."