View Full Version : Witty replies
Hiya, long time no see! I hope you're all well.
Anyway, I was browsing another forum and I stumbled across a thread that made me think of here...
The aim of the game is for someone to ask a common question and then others have to post witty replies!
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wit·ty **Pronunciation Key**(wt)
adj. wit·ti·er, wit·ti·est
1. Possessing or demonstrating wit in speech or writing; very clever and humorous.
2. Characterized by or having the nature of wit; funny or jocular: a witty saying.
3. Quick to discern and express amusing insights or relationships.
4. Entertainingly and strikingly clever or original in concept, design, or performance: a witty sculpture; witty choreography.
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Seeing as my wit really isn't that quick I thought that this might help sharpen it a bit and give everyone a laugh as well..
e.g.
Question: Morning, what's up?
Me: the opposite of down, duh!
ok, so my first question:
Can I grab a lift?
Lotus666
18-03-10, 12:17 AM
Hey there Sil - OMG, there's life in the forums yet! ;) hehehe...
I am well enough...I think TB isn't too bad. He's been so busy with work of late or raiding, I'm not 100% sure. :laugh: How are you doing?
This sounds a fun game. Right now though, my wit is stuck in a sleep rut, so am not up to being witty. So, the question is open to interpretation - let's see who answers first! (Who knows - I may wake up in the morning and pounce!) I like the idea...cheers, Sil!
Lotus666
18-03-10, 12:34 AM
Hmmm...my wit does need some sharpening...however poor this is...at least it's a reply...
QUESTION: "Can I grab a lift?"
MY ANSWER: "Only if you want the skin peeled off your hands!"
:doh: Well, I DID say I was tired! :p
QUESTION: "Want to get a bite to eat with me?"
I'm not sure about "life" per say (i'm not sure LD qualifies? just kidding :wuffles: hair), but I can confirm that something exists here. I don't know what I would be do with out being able to drop by here for the odd sanity check :P - I'm doing a psychiatry rotation atm, oh boy!
I'm glad that you and TB are both doing well, I will drop you a pm at some point over the next couple of days.
My wit is in distinct need need of honing, I'm hoping this will do the trick!
Should we try and turn this into a conversation so one question is linked (vaguely) to the next?
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q: Do you want to get a bite to eat?
A: Not really, I prefer it if I'm the first person to masticate my food...
Q: What is that?
Lotus666
19-03-10, 11:05 PM
Q: What is that?
A: The lightbulb? About 100 watt. You? Maybe 10, if you're lucky... ;)
Q: How are you going?
A: By space rocket, you?
Q: What are you up to this weekend?
Lotus666
21-03-10, 10:25 PM
Q: What are you up to this weekend?
A: The 2nd chapter of Witty Replies. I'll lend it to you if you need the help! :wicked:
Q: I hear there's a sale on in town...
lol @ the last reply :)
I'm really not very good at this, but it's the best I can do having got up early! where have Nixxi etc got too?
A: At last! Don't forget to leave a size, or two, for the doughnuts this time!
Q: Can I ask you something?
Lotus666
22-03-10, 08:43 PM
:laugh: :D
Q: Can I ask you something?
A: Yes, but it doesn't mean I'll answer! :p
Q: How do you like your eggs?
A: Unfertilized please!
Q: How much money did you owe me?
Lotus666
24-03-10, 12:00 AM
(LMAO @ last answer - when did you have the op, Sil? :laugh: )
Q: How much money do you owe me?
A: The same amount you owe me! :D
Q: Where did you come from?
Well you know I have been trying to keep it quiet, but I guess the cat is out now! It was the only answer that seemed good enough...
A: Well, it takes a mummy and and daddy, and they get together to fertilize an egg :p But people might have been lying to me all these years..
Q: Can you tell me the truth?
Lotus666
24-03-10, 07:14 PM
Q: Can you tell me the truth?
A: I could, but I'd have to lie to you... ;)
Q: How did you arrive at that conclusion?
A: Without much difficulty.
Q: Do you smoke?
Lotus666
26-03-10, 11:22 PM
Q: Do you smoke?
A: Only kippers for breakfast.
Q: Why do you keep questioning me? ;)
A: is that a question?
Q: Did it hurt?
Lotus666
28-03-10, 02:24 PM
Q: Did it hurt?
A: Yes, slapping you so hard made my hand hurt a LOT!
Q: What do you think you're doing?
A: Going quietly crazy listing to all these questions!
Q: What are you doing at Easter?
Lotus666
31-03-10, 10:36 PM
Q: What are you doing at Easter?
A: Painting myself green and lying in lurk in the long grass to mug the Easter Bunny! :p
Q: Doing anything nice for the Easter Break?
A: Vanishing down the rabbit hole into a magical world!
Q: What do you think?
Lotus666
06-04-10, 08:43 PM
Q: What do you think?
A: I think you need to halve the meds! :p
Q: Where will you be taking your next holidays?
A: Somewhere where silly questions are not allowed..
Q: Can you give me a hand?
Lotus666
08-04-10, 07:06 AM
Q: Can you give me a hand!
A: *Applauds your lack of witty replies* :pom:
Q: What do you think of the weather?
/me slinks away in shame
A: If this is the best global warming can manage I might as well quit driving now!
Q: Well?
Lord Destroyer
09-04-10, 06:33 PM
A: It's a big hole in the ground.
Q: What's going on?
Lotus666
09-04-10, 07:24 PM
/me slinks away in shame Awwwww, I WAS only jesting, my dear Snakey friend! :)
Q: What's going on?
A: My coat - it's chilly out! :p
(LOL's @ LD's reply! :laugh: )
Q: How did you think of a reply so quick?
Lord Destroyer
09-04-10, 10:18 PM
A: That's for me to know and you to find out.
Q: Are you hard at work or hardly working?
A: If you want to treat life like’s it a race to the finish line then I'll happily let you will win....
Q: Was I talking to you?
Lotus666
13-04-10, 10:05 AM
Q: Was I talking to you?
A: No, that was just a holographic image so you would look like you were talking to yourself!
Q: Were you always this crazy?
A: Mwhahaha, excellent, my plans are coming together nicely :P
A2: No one truly great is appreciated or understood in their life time.
Q: What is your greatest achievement? (usually at interview, only be witty if you don't want the job!)
Lotus666
13-04-10, 10:03 PM
Q: What is your greatest achievement?
A: Actually? Managing to keep handing out my brilliantly witty responses in this thread! :p
Q: Will we actually have a BBQ summer this year?
A:Prey to Gaia for a miracle of British weather and a touch of global warming!
Q: What team to you support?
(my answer is usually do I really look like I give a dam about men kicking a dead cow skin round a field?!)
Lotus666
18-04-10, 06:15 PM
Q: What team do you support?
A: The winning one! :p
Q: How do you change a flat tyre?
A: Eat more.
Q: Are you here this weekend?
Lotus666
23-04-10, 07:50 PM
(EAT more? :???: )
Q: Are you here this weekend?
A: If I'm not here, where the feck else will I be then? Where I am is here where I will be! :p
Q: Do you always have an answer?
Indeed, if the midrif tyre is flat, the obvious answer is to consume more :p
Q: Do you always have an answer?
A: Do you always have a question?
Q: Haven't you got something better to do than keep questioning me?
Lotus666
26-04-10, 07:03 AM
( :doh: :p )
Q: Haven't you got something better to do than keep quesioning me?
A: Better, yes. As much fun? No! :wicked:
Q: The weather has been lovely, hasn't it?
A: I'm all out of wittiness, I just got back from the hospital and I'm too tired to care..
Q: Do you have children?
Lotus666
02-05-10, 08:56 PM
Q: Do you have children?
A: Yes, they're quite nice fried with a few curly chips on the side! :wicked:
Q: How hard have you been working then if you're too tired to care?
A: Well do you know how much time energy and though it takes to hide from you?
Q: Do you like art?
Btw, I meant to say, your last reply made me laugh so much lotty..
Oh and alternative answer.
A: I have been working like a kinkajou trying to escape Paris Hilton....
Lotus666
05-05-10, 09:02 AM
:laugh: As did your last one (alternate answer included)! :D Thank you!
Q: Do you like Art?
A: Never met him, so wouldn't know! :p
Q: Do you enjoy music?
A: Does she wear a mini skirt and cost less than £50 an hour?
Q: What is the most disgusting thing that you have ever done?
Lotus666
08-05-10, 07:44 PM
A: Answer your last question! ;)
Q: When will this parliament get unhung?
A: When all the politicians are hung!
Q: What's for dinner?
grrr, just caught my dinner burning while answering that, oops!
Lotus666
18-05-10, 10:14 AM
:laugh: :doh:
A: Burnt offerings! :wicked:
Q: Don't you just love days like this?
Lord Finisher
18-05-10, 02:57 PM
A: I wouldn't know, I've always slept through them. ;)
Q: What happens when you cross breed a sheep with a rhino?
:-) had forgotten about this thread..
A: A baby rhieep and a very sad sheep...
Q: How do you feel about animal cruelty?
Lotus666
20-05-10, 07:13 AM
( :laugh: @ LF's question & Sil's response! )
A: The high heels and suspenders are okay with a light whipping, but when they dig out the cat'o'nine tails and get the branding irons out to me - not so much! :whip:
Q: Where's my sunshine gone today? (*Expects a good reply to this one!*)
A: Well I knew you cared about me, sorry for being away so long!
Q: What is the meaning of life the universe and everything?
Lotus666
18-06-10, 10:26 PM
( :laugh: )
A: Life - a slow and devious means of torture. The Universe? To boldly go where no man has been before (and obviously new and even more devious forms of torture). Everything? All of the above! :p
Q: How rubbish was England at The World Cup tonight?
Lord Finisher
29-08-10, 11:50 AM
A: Bad enough to make the vuvuzelas actually useful for something. Drowning out all the commentary and angry fans.
Q: If a chicken and a half could lay an egg and a half in a day in a half, how long does it take a dozen chickens to lay a dozen eggs?
Lotus666
01-09-10, 11:08 AM
A: Bloody quick if they know what's good for them - I want my giant omelette! :p
Q: Where is the love?
Lord Finisher
01-09-10, 11:22 AM
A: Where it can't be found.
Q: How is silly silly?
Lotus666
01-09-10, 06:12 PM
A: That's a silly question! :p
Q: How weird is this thread?
A: Well if you will weave thread from yack hair tempered with a dash of chilly of course it is going to be weird!
Q: Where have I been these past few months?
Lord Finisher
23-09-10, 09:54 PM
A: In your pants.
Q: Where are Sil's pants?
Lotus666
23-09-10, 09:55 PM
A: Obviously woven into a chilli haired yak mat - he must have run out of yak! :p
Q: Why do you persist in asking these foolish questions?
Lord Finisher
23-09-10, 10:02 PM
A: Because I can.
Q: Why do you persist in answering foolish questions?
Lotus666
23-09-10, 10:02 PM
A: Because you CAN'T! :wicked:
Q: Where has Sil got to?
Lord Finisher
23-09-10, 10:04 PM
A: His pants again.
Q: The pants were dead. Why?
Lotus666
23-09-10, 10:18 PM
A: Because the yak shot them!
Q: Are you STILL here?
Lord Finisher
23-09-10, 10:26 PM
A: Yes.
Q: How were the birds and the sun almost down from the top of the sky?
Lotus666
23-09-10, 10:36 PM
A: Could you repeat the question?
Q: Why is the sun yellow?
Lord Finisher
23-09-10, 10:44 PM
A: The sun's actually white. It becomes yellow the more angled it becomes to the Earth, relative to our position, of course.
Q: How were the birds and the sun almost down from the top of the sky?
(If you still don't get it, watch this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OHxyZaZlaOs )
Lotus666
23-09-10, 11:11 PM
A: Because the birds got fried to a crisp, then the sun fell on them! :p
Q: Who made that video so silly?
Lord Finisher
23-09-10, 11:12 PM
A: Some guy who wrote it (Bad Fanfiction) named SquirrelKing, and someone who got bored and decided to animate it via Garry's mod.
Q: Wepon?
Lotus666
23-09-10, 11:24 PM
A: Not your tongue, cause it ain't sharp enough! :nana: (hehehe...)
Q: A/S/L?
Lord Finisher
23-09-10, 11:26 PM
A: 15/H/Space
Q: Why are there so many ostriches?
Lotus666
23-09-10, 11:27 PM
A: Because my fan needs more feathers!
Q: Do you think it's time for sleep?
Lord Finisher
23-09-10, 11:28 PM
A: Yes, but I don't care.
Q: A cat masterfully sits on your head and becomes your new permanent cap. Is this awesome?
Lotus666
23-09-10, 11:31 PM
A: Only if it doesn't mistake your hair for a litter tray!
Q: How many mad questions will it take before someone is brave enough to venture in?
Lord Finisher
23-09-10, 11:35 PM
A: I think we broke the "It's creepy" point.
Q: If a pig parachutes off of a jet and a missile launches to attack it, what time is it in Norway?
Lotus666
24-09-10, 07:14 AM
A: Time for bacon butties! :fpigs:
Q: How do you keep an idiot amused?
Lord Finisher
24-09-10, 09:53 AM
A: No idea, but I know how to keep one in suspense for twenty-four hours. See you tomorrow!
Q: Will you forgive me for the previous joke?
A: It's a long twenty four hours and i'm still trying to find the joke? :screw:
Q: Can you help me?
Lotus666
26-09-10, 10:13 PM
A: Nah, you were a lost cause ages ago! :p
Q: Give me 3 good reasons WHY I should help you anyway?
A: 1) I'm special (probably not in a good way!) 2) Your nice 3) Because everyone knows you should bridge over the river why :p
Q: I think you will fit in very well here....
Lotus666
26-09-10, 10:57 PM
( :laugh: @ Sil's reply!)
A: Well, if I'm the next piece in the jigsaw puzzle - first I'll have to file a few rough edges off you first! ;)
Q: When do you qualify?
A: Well i'm already certified, but they took years to let me out after that... I'm not sure I want qualifying as well!
Q: What are you wearing for halloween?
(nn sleep tight, speak to you soon :) )
Lotus666
26-09-10, 11:08 PM
A: Same ol', same ol'... ;)
Q: Are you celebrating Halloween this year?
(Night mate! :) )
Lord Finisher
28-09-10, 07:00 AM
A: No. Halloween sucks.
Q: Are YOU?
Lotus666
28-09-10, 11:06 AM
A: Yes - children fit into my cauldron quite nicely, and make a good warming stew! :wicked:
Q: Do you have the time?
Lord Finisher
30-09-10, 08:46 AM
A: Time? Start watching at 1:41. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m9hyUPR7HEk)
Q: Is my answer not silly?
Chosenfrozen
30-09-10, 08:59 AM
A) No sillier than your outfit.
Q) Do you mind if I sit down?
Lord Destroyer
30-09-10, 04:44 PM
A: Sure beats standing on your head and whistling "Dixie".
Q: Who let the dogs out?
A) "Mwhahah, excellllent, my plans are coming together nicely!"
Q) Can I take your suit case sir?
Lotus666
05-10-10, 10:22 AM
A: Yes, the body inside IS getting a bit heavy...oh, and that's Mistress to you!
Q: Why is it so hard to find a good place to dump the bodies?
Lord Finisher
07-10-10, 03:50 PM
A: Because people keep finding the damn things and there's always too many people around.
Q: Why aren't there a lot of active volcanoes? They'd make GREAT spots to dump bodies.
Lotus666
02-03-11, 02:10 PM
A: Because they have been plugged by too many people hiding dead bodies! :P
Q: Is this forum on? :poke:
Lord Finisher
14-04-11, 11:08 AM
A: IT IS NOW.
Q: If X = Pants and Y = Plants, what is B?
Lotus666
13-08-11, 11:58 AM
A: Something that stings you on the bum when you sit in the flower bed! :p
Q: How do I get more people to post in my forums (short of unplugging Facebook?)?
Lord Destroyer
14-08-11, 04:27 PM
A: I don't know. *Gets slimed*
Q: Can you hear me now?
A: Did you get stung by that B again, awwww!
Q: Do you like me?
Lotus666
07-09-11, 12:10 PM
A: Not sure - hop in the stew pot and I'll tell you in 3 hours (if you're tender enough). :p
Q: Where's a good place to holiday?
A: Anywhere I'm not!
Q: Do you expect a present?
Lotus666
14-10-11, 04:42 PM
A: Yes, and a future too...which you can't if you keep taunting me! :P (LOL)
Q: Do you think it will be a cold winter?
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