Lotus666
07-08-09, 10:23 AM
LF did this review in 2005...
Postal Dude: Well, Champ, everything seems to have turned out okay...
Postal Babe: Are you really the inspiration for Viagra?
Postal Dude: As far as you know, babe.
*a bright light appears, and suddenly, everything goes horribly wrong and slow at the same time*
Nurse: Oh Mr. Dude.... It's time for your enema.... enema... enema...
*P. Dude wakes up and snaps out of it*
Postal Dude: Whoa, it was just a dream...
And hence, you woke up from a dream only to find out that you're in a hospital after some "firearms accident." You later find out that your trailer was repossessed, your dog "Champ" will die if you don't pay your licencing bills, and that your hateful bitch of a wife left you. At least all the news isn't bad.
But, there's a slight problem. You need money... and your printer's out of ink. Not to mention you're in-between careers thanks to you being fired from your job with RWS (Running With Scissors, the game company who made this game and shows up in the game too) on Monday. So... you see a flyer for a seminal research project and you can get paid for participating in it. We both know what this means - getting paid for something you do for free.
Well, aside from the standard long-list of neato weapons you get, there are some newer additions:
1. Instead of the three melee weapons from Postal 2: the shovel, the taser, and the police baton, you get three new, very BRUTAL weapons instead - the sledgehammer, the machete and the scythe.
2. For some reason, cats are now considered weapons. Why? They've gained the ability to be a whirling dervish - they spin around and around like Taz from old Looney Tunes cartoons, and are generally deadly as all Hell.
Well, outside of that, newer opponents would include:
Cows
Mad Cow infected Cows
Mad Cow Tourette Syndrome Zombies
Elephants
Demonic Gary Colemans
Whirling Dervish Cats
Demonic Whirling Dervish Cats
L.A.M.E. Animal Rights Activists (Their t-shirts say "L.A.M.E." and they're animal rights activists)
And a super-powerful boss character only capable of being seen to be believed.
And some classics reappear, such as:
Islamic Terrorists
Psycho-**** Rednecks
General Populace
Gary Coleman
Security Guards
Cops
Military Grunts
Story: 9 out of 10 - Why? It's rather straight forward rather than you having some leeway in what you want to in the order you want to do it in, like in Postal 2.
Controls: 8 out of 10 - Easy, but one slight problem... WHERE'S THE UNZIP PANTS AND URINATE ON PEOPLE BUTTON?!? They had that in Postal 2 and I was looking forward to making some people's lives into utter Hell.
Graphics: 8 out of 10 - At least now you're capable of cutting the human body into as many pieces as you friggin' want. I turned people into torsos just for pissing me off, and it was damned fun. The problem with it is that sometimes it's a little cheesy, and unless you've got some super-high-end computer and not just the dead base which is what I've got, the game'll fry on you for cutting some asshole apart a little TOO far.
Audio: 10 out of 10 - Very enjoyable and lifelike. The one major thing I liked about it was when you went to the Bullfish company and met with their top dog who was a fast-talking Canadian who forced you to do things "the fun way."
Gameplay: 7.5 out of 10 - Sorry, it's just that I enjoyed being able to have some flexibility and make pitstops along the way of where you needed to be. I liked doing things a little differently and having to either...
1. Sneak around town and hope some asshole doesn't recognize you. (Weakling!)
2. Go into the middle of the street, guns blazing, annihilating ANYONE who DARED to get in your ****ing way! (HELL YEAH!!)
They just ripped that out, I'm sorry. Gameplay is still mostly the same, but I REALLY miss that part.
Overall: 9.25 out of 10 - Just because I think it deserves it. It's still a good game, even though I technically should have given it an 8.5
http://www.guadagames.com/images/p2aw0007.jpg
Postal Dude: Well, Champ, everything seems to have turned out okay...
Postal Babe: Are you really the inspiration for Viagra?
Postal Dude: As far as you know, babe.
*a bright light appears, and suddenly, everything goes horribly wrong and slow at the same time*
Nurse: Oh Mr. Dude.... It's time for your enema.... enema... enema...
*P. Dude wakes up and snaps out of it*
Postal Dude: Whoa, it was just a dream...
And hence, you woke up from a dream only to find out that you're in a hospital after some "firearms accident." You later find out that your trailer was repossessed, your dog "Champ" will die if you don't pay your licencing bills, and that your hateful bitch of a wife left you. At least all the news isn't bad.
But, there's a slight problem. You need money... and your printer's out of ink. Not to mention you're in-between careers thanks to you being fired from your job with RWS (Running With Scissors, the game company who made this game and shows up in the game too) on Monday. So... you see a flyer for a seminal research project and you can get paid for participating in it. We both know what this means - getting paid for something you do for free.
Well, aside from the standard long-list of neato weapons you get, there are some newer additions:
1. Instead of the three melee weapons from Postal 2: the shovel, the taser, and the police baton, you get three new, very BRUTAL weapons instead - the sledgehammer, the machete and the scythe.
2. For some reason, cats are now considered weapons. Why? They've gained the ability to be a whirling dervish - they spin around and around like Taz from old Looney Tunes cartoons, and are generally deadly as all Hell.
Well, outside of that, newer opponents would include:
Cows
Mad Cow infected Cows
Mad Cow Tourette Syndrome Zombies
Elephants
Demonic Gary Colemans
Whirling Dervish Cats
Demonic Whirling Dervish Cats
L.A.M.E. Animal Rights Activists (Their t-shirts say "L.A.M.E." and they're animal rights activists)
And a super-powerful boss character only capable of being seen to be believed.
And some classics reappear, such as:
Islamic Terrorists
Psycho-**** Rednecks
General Populace
Gary Coleman
Security Guards
Cops
Military Grunts
Story: 9 out of 10 - Why? It's rather straight forward rather than you having some leeway in what you want to in the order you want to do it in, like in Postal 2.
Controls: 8 out of 10 - Easy, but one slight problem... WHERE'S THE UNZIP PANTS AND URINATE ON PEOPLE BUTTON?!? They had that in Postal 2 and I was looking forward to making some people's lives into utter Hell.
Graphics: 8 out of 10 - At least now you're capable of cutting the human body into as many pieces as you friggin' want. I turned people into torsos just for pissing me off, and it was damned fun. The problem with it is that sometimes it's a little cheesy, and unless you've got some super-high-end computer and not just the dead base which is what I've got, the game'll fry on you for cutting some asshole apart a little TOO far.
Audio: 10 out of 10 - Very enjoyable and lifelike. The one major thing I liked about it was when you went to the Bullfish company and met with their top dog who was a fast-talking Canadian who forced you to do things "the fun way."
Gameplay: 7.5 out of 10 - Sorry, it's just that I enjoyed being able to have some flexibility and make pitstops along the way of where you needed to be. I liked doing things a little differently and having to either...
1. Sneak around town and hope some asshole doesn't recognize you. (Weakling!)
2. Go into the middle of the street, guns blazing, annihilating ANYONE who DARED to get in your ****ing way! (HELL YEAH!!)
They just ripped that out, I'm sorry. Gameplay is still mostly the same, but I REALLY miss that part.
Overall: 9.25 out of 10 - Just because I think it deserves it. It's still a good game, even though I technically should have given it an 8.5
http://www.guadagames.com/images/p2aw0007.jpg